It's Not Always Like This, Poppy
by br0kendaisys
Summary: Poppy / James story. A new take on their relationship, and friendship. My take on the story.
1. Prologue

It took me a while to realise what was happening, but my life was never usually like this. It's suddenly changed, and I can't deal with this anymore. My life used to be normal, I used to be normal. How did it all change? How did I become the broken girl that nobody cares about? The bitch that only seems to care when she wants something, and the only girl who can't hold a conversation for five minutes. My life was normal, 3 years ago. Before I wasn't itching for a cigarette, or to cut myself. Why did it all change? How? I was alive, I was living for the weekend, like every 16 year old girl. I lived for my friends. Now I'm 19, I can't feel anything and I feel as though somebodies ripping my heart from my chest.

I knew it all had to begin, I knew life had an ending too. I just didn't know how it was going to be all silly inbetween.

'_breathe me in i am your nicotine, i fill your lungs until you cannot breathe._

_swallow me down i am your alcohol, i fill your gut with all the pain and loss._'

lyrics was swarming around my head.

my story goes something like this, it's not pretty.


	2. Storylines

**A/N: **So, basically; I received a negative comment on the prologue, and I'd like to say, this is MY take on it, MY fan fiction of the story. I understand that the Prologue has nothing to do with the actual story, but it's an insight to what's going to happen next. Okay, cool. It's just my rewrite on LJ Smiths story. Thank you.

Enjoy

**Chapter One**.

I'll start with my 16th birthday; it was before things started getting messy, before I lost myself once every day. I had a reasonable life, nothing extraordinary happed, I was head over heels in love with my best friend, James, my twin Phillip, we argued pretty much every day; I wouldn't of had it any other way. We were the same, it was impossible to split us, back then anyway. On my 16th, I thought it would be a good idea to throw a house party, get absolutely out of my face, this is when I didn't use alcohol as a substitute for misery, because, I was indeed, addicted to my misery.

'Phillip?' mother screamed out to the twin.

'yes mother?' he replied, the usual Phillip, nothing was different about him, knowing him mother had brought him driving lessons, he of course, was the chosen child. He wasn't as reckless as Poppy is, he never will be. Phillip walked down stairs to their mother; Poppy locked herself in her own bathroom.

Poppy pulled the toilet seat down, and sat on it, cross legged. 'Breathe, you silly girl.' She murmured under her breath, before pulling her sleeve up, before staring at the previous wounds, opened scars and the healing scars. She knew this wasn't the escape, or the answer; Poppy kept doing it. She was addicted to this drug she'd seemed to have pulled herself into, it was her only escape. Her only secret.

Poppy got up, and walked over to the dresser which was located in the bathroom. She pulled out the third draw, and picked up a black box. To her mother, it would look pretty normal, nothing wrong with that right? Until you open it. Poppy carefully took off the lid, and ran her hand over the Stanley blade which was located inside. She carefully picked it up, and held it within her left palm, the blade felt so familiar to her, it all came running back. The memories, the reasons, or the excuses; depending on the way you look at it. She lent the blade into her wrist, biting her lip, to try and contain the scream through the pain; you'd of thought she'd of been used to this pain, it was so familiar, but she would never be used to it. She slashed at her wrists about, 10 times before putting the blade back neatly, then cleaning herself up with some tissue. She smiled, at herself. She won another battle with her head, the thoughts which consumed her, suddenly let her go, for now. For now, she was free.

Phillip ran upstairs, "POPPY?" He screamed, knocking on the bathroom door.  
>"Yes Phillip?" she replied, as she pulled down her sleeve, whilst walking to the door.<br>"Lover boy is here." He replied, before moving away from the door, and going downstairs.

Poppy suddenly smiled, if James couldn't cheer her up, she was fucked. She ran downstairs; running past her brother so fast he almost fell over, and jumped into his arms, with her legs around his waist. James grabbed onto her, tightly. "Hey beautiful." He whispered into Poppy's ear.  
>"Hey, James." She replied, whilst jumping down and grabbing his hand. "Coming upstairs?" she grinned.<br>"If, you want." He laughed, as they walked upstairs.

Poppy didn't know what to say, after slicing her own skin to pieces, she felt guilty. Guilty at the fact she was keeping this secret from her best friend; guilty at the fact he didn't realize something was wrong. She just felt wrong, for feeling so right in her best friend's arms. Poppy sat on her bed, and bit her lip as she looked up at James, he looked so innocent, she didn't want to burden him with her problems, she opened her mouth,  
>"yes Poppy?" James said, as he sat next to her, putting his arm around her shoulders.<br>"I... Oh, nothing... James..." She smiled as she leant into him.

James smiled, before getting up and walking over to Poppy's iPod Deck, and placed his iPod in the slot, and put _A Day Overdue – Storylines _on, and looked at her. "The lyrics in this song Pop, they're beautiful." He looked at her, before walking downstairs and leaving her in her room on her own. He knew the secret, 'I just hope she doesn't find out.' he said under his breath, before walking to the kitchen. 'Hello Mrs Norton." James said, with a very big grin on his face.  
>'Hi James,' she smiled back, 'Everything okay with Poppy? She seems a little... distant recently.' Mrs Norton said, mumbling slightly.<br>'Yeah, she's fine.' He replied. Lying, ever so slightly.

Poppy sat in her room, listening to the song which James had put on for her, she expected it to be, well, rubbish to say the least- but... It wasn't. Poppy took a deep breath, as she listened to the lyrics. She wasn't really into the whole, heavy guitar solo- but, the first lyric, '_there's something I've been meaning to say, oh, even though i'm not supposed too; i'm gonna say it anyway'_, it spoke to her. She looked down at her arm, which was covered by her cardigan, she breathed in and out, as she lay back on her bed. 'JAMES?' she shouted out. She needed to speak to him, desperately. She felt like spilling everything too him. He knows everything, - well it seems like he does, anyway.

James heard Poppy call out his name; he walked up the stairs, and took them two steps at a time. He knew her secret, and hopefully, she was about to tell him personally. He opened the door, and Poppy flung herself at him, wrapping her arms around his neck, inhaling he's usual scent, he always- always, smelt like Paco Raban, One Million. Poppy had just grown accustomed to the scent.  
>'James...' she whispered, 'there's something i need to tell you, or show you- even.' She looked up at him, her eyes looking into his, hoping that he'd understand her secret. She lifted up her left arm, and slowly started to pull up her sleeve, but James looked at her; 'Stop, I know.' He pulled her closely and just hugged her.<br>'Wait, you know?' she said, her words muffled by his chest.  
>'I know, we're best friends Pop, we have for the past 16 years, of course I'd notice you doing something like this, Your mannerisms and stuff changed, and it's obvious. Look, it's 45 degrees outside, and you're still wearing long sleeves. It's a secret you can never keep. I can't look at it, it'll make me want to never leave you side, and you're mum wouldn't agree with that.' He smiled that beautiful side smile that he always seems to do.<br>'She already thinks we're going out' Poppy giggled a childish giggle. James just smiled and kissed Poppies forehead.  
>'We best go downstairs, or you're mum might get suspicious.' James laughed, and grabbed Poppy's hand and walked down the stairs. He could feel her heart beating against his palm. I just wish she's careful, James kept on mumbling, the thoughts racing around his head. If he had a human heart beat? He'd probably of had a heart attack, from the amount of worry that she makes him feel.<p>

Poppy sat in her usual seat next to her brother, Phillip, who sat next to their mother, and James sat next to Poppy's mother.  
>'Are you eating with us today James?' Mrs Norton smiled at James, who just shook his head.<br>'I've already ate, but thank you for the kind offer.' James replied.  
>Mrs Norton gave Poppy her usual bowl of cereal, which she always eats- James watched her. Her beautiful copper curls making her look so innocent.<p>

**A/N**: Sorry, it's not as good, and sorry it took so long for me too put the second chapter up, GCSE Year is always busy, I guess.

But enjoy, anyway

Nancy x


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